Supportive ≠ Strategic: The mindset shift women in HR need

There’s a belief many of us have absorbed — not necessarily spoken out loud, but deeply felt:

👉 If I’m helpful enough… if I stay agreeable, likeable, supportive… then I’ll be recognised. 👉 Eventually, someone will notice how hard I work and open the door for me.

Sound familiar?

You’re not alone.

Many women in HR tell me they’ve spent years being the reliable one, the glue that holds teams together, the safe pair of hands that always delivers. And yet, when it comes to real career-accelerating opportunities — like sponsorship — they’re overlooked.

Why?

👉 Because likeability doesn’t guarantee visibility. 👉 Helpfulness isn’t the same as strategic influence.

And waiting for someone to notice you is not a strategy.

The Sponsorship Mindset Shift

Sponsors — the people who actively champion your career — are looking for more than a safe pair of hands. They’re looking for people who:

• Speak clearly about their value

• Take up space with confidence

• Show initiative, not just follow instructions

And here’s where many of us get stuck:

👉 We think being assertive might cost us our likeability.

👉 We believe being clear about our needs or ambitions will make us seem pushy, demanding, or “not a team player.”

But that belief? It’s keeping you out of the rooms where decisions are made.

Introducing the “Equity Mindset” Paradox

Psychologist Dan Harrison describes the balance between two traits — Assertive and Helpful — as the “Equity Mindset” paradox.

💬 Assertiveness gets your voice heard.

🤝 Helpfulness earns you trust.

You need both to be seen as sponsor-ready.

Too much helpfulness without assertiveness? 🆘

You’re seen as supportive, but not strategic.

Too much assertiveness without helpfulness? 👎

You may be heard, but not trusted.

The magic happens when you integrate both.

💡 3 Mindset Shifts to Help You Step Into Sponsor-Readiness

1. Reframe Assertiveness as Advocacy. Assertiveness isn’t aggression — it’s clarity. You’re giving others the chance to support your potential by showing them what you’re capable of.

2. Visibility Isn’t Vanity — It’s Strategy. Speaking up about your impact isn’t bragging. It’s helping potential sponsors see what you could achieve with their backing.

3. You Can Be Helpful and Assertive. These traits aren’t in conflict — they’re complementary. The real shift? Believing you don’t have to choose. You can be warm and ambitious, supportive and strategic.

A Question to Reflect On This Week:

👉 Where might I be over-relying on being helpful or likeable… at the cost of being visible or influential?

When you can strike the balance between assertiveness and helpfulness, you won’t just be seen as capable — you’ll be seen as a leader worth sponsoring.